yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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