woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
