she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
is this the sara with the beer cane?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
