i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
