i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
