Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
