what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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