I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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