well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
