I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
