They should really pass out barf bags in church
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
