Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
