I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
