I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
