i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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