Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
