So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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