The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
