I wish life had little blips of pornography
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
she told me i tasted like america
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
