so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
