So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
