I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
40s are totally the cure
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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