Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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