try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
