please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
