My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
