This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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