Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
