i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
