omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Someone came in the potted fern
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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