Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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