just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
