you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
