Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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