If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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