I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i think i have herpe
just one?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
