stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
