i don't like sucking hair
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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