Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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