I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
