It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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