Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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