You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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