I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
