I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
