Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
