So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
