you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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