Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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