why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
