were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
