his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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