im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Randomize
