So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
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